Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Where did she go?

Have you noticed with me that I'll go through phases where I write a ton, and then I'll drop off the side of the proverbial Earth for a while?
If you haven't, it's all good.  However, I totally notice that I do.  
It's not that I just sit around on my couch and eat chocolate and drink wine all day.  (Okay, half of that statement is a lie.  M&M's are absolutely freaking delicious!)  (Also, I had wine and M&M's for my full and complete dinner tonight because, adulating is awesome!)
However, since falling off the proverbial Earth, into the proverbial ocean, I have been doing more than being a lazy bum.  

I've actually been writing.

Haha.  I hear all you crazy misfits (like myself!) laughing like crazy, saying that I haven't been writing because, I haven't been posting here anywhere near regularly.

Yes.  Yes.  I know.  Allow me to elaborate.

From where I sit now, (in my bed, not on my couch, AHA!) I can easily spot 13 notebooks, 2 iPads, an iPod, and 2 iPhones.  Obviously!  I have a lot of devices to write and record a MILLION and a half notes on, and please trust in me, each notebook and device of full of notes.  

I was out with a friend the other night and kept writing out and recording voice memos and she thought I was completely insane, however, when I got home and went back to my recordings, listened, and transcribed the recordings to paper, it was absolutely perfection.  Completely beautiful.

So, what have I written?

It's all stuff I'm not ready to share quite yet.  

I'm not quite sure with whom or when I'll want to share it, but, when I am ready, I will share it.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

And this is crazy!

Before you left for Europe, you had asked if I had a passport, and (playfully scolded me many times!) were shocked to find out that I did not have one!  You were even more shocked about my lack of a passport, seeing the majority of my extended family lives, oh, twenty minutes away from Canada.  

As it is no huge secret, in the roughly 300 hours since I've seen that gorgeous smile, and those eyes that light up my life, (in person!) life has been on a major downhill spiral.  Identity theft, a kitchen invaded by ants, hard time in the emergency room, doctors appointments, oh, and my engine blowing up on my 8 month old car!  

As you can tell, my life has been anything but splendid since you've left the plain and boring days of Texas, and the wild nights of cuddling up and watching Forensic Files.

Shambles.  My life is in freaking shambles right now.  I don't even think shambles would even be a proper way to describe it, however, that is the only adjective that is coming to mind at the moment.

I feel as if I have taken a huge piece of glass, and thrown it on the ground and let it shatter into a million little pieces and that is currently my life.  I'm staring at the millions of little pieces of glass wondering what to do next.  Where to go next.  What is miserably going to fail within the next 6,400 hours before you arrive back home.  Until our lips reconnect, and all feels semi-normal in the world again.

However, I'm damn tired of being furiously miserable, and trust me, as the VERY independent woman I am, it's not just because you are gone.

At this moment, I feel depressed.  I feel weak.  At the same time, I feel strong as hell!  I feel empowered, and I feel like I can fly.

I feel like I can do anything right now.

I'm going to be brave.  

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

From Me To You

In the past week, you've flown over Toledo, had a quick stint Toronto, and undoubtedly, found yourself in somewhere the middle of nowhere.

In the past week, I've had my identity stolen, have had an engine blow up while driving my car, and have done some hard time in the emergency room.

It is amazing how two people can have weeks that are vastly different. Two people that usually spend quite a bit of time together, yet, have spent the past week apart.

Surely, your week involved a plethora of adventure, music, and of course, beer!

Whilst, my week was full of blood, sweat, and way too many tears!

It feels quite horrid that my main support system over this past week has been an ocean of tears.

Although the tightrope is thin, and I could possibly win, I’m strongly considering taking the walk and going for it all, even though I may possibly fall.

You’ve seen the good.  You’ve seen the bad.  You’ve seen my happy.  You’ve also seen my sad.

My mind is in a jumble.  Thoughts needing a release. 

We’ve both loved and we’ve both lost.  We’ve both been there before.  We’ve both experienced all that love crap.

The night before you left, you asked my why I liked you.  You quizzed me on your favorite color: yellow.  Your middle name: Benjamin.  You also got back to asking me why I liked you, because you are a, self proclaimed “jerk.”

A jerk doesn’t tell me that I look beautiful on days when I’m feeling as though a ton of marshmallows fell on me.

A jerk doesn’t allow me to put my legs on his, while we are sitting outside, on a one hundred degree day.

A jerk doesn’t tell me the next day about how I “attempted” to sing, and then covered it up by describing a musical matrix, with a very long, drawn out explanation, that, quite honestly, went right over my head, yet sounded insanely romantic by description meaning that I actually DIDN’T suck, too badly at singing.  

A jerk doesn’t sing karaoke, or allow me to pick songs for you at your gigs, just by gibing you the ‘big lip!’

A jerk doesn’t undoubtably walk me to my car and kiss me goodnight, every single time.

A jerk doesn’t swing dance and tango in the parking lot with me.  Nor does he break out in random dance parities with me.  (Side note:  Random dance parties are the best thing in the world, and really should happen more often in life!)

A jerk does not give the most amazing back massages in the world!

A jerk wouldn’t agree to go see Hanson.

However much of a “jerk” you are, I am not perfect either.  You know my middle name is Lynn, my favorite color is purple, the handful of songs that automatically bring a smile to my face, and the my favorite band.

You accept me for who I am, always.  You don’t see me as an illness.

You’ve come to love my addiction of Forensic Files and you will gladly watch it with me, unless you are trying to fall asleep, because somebody cannot fall asleep with the television on.  

 You listen to me intently when I speak.  When you ask how my day was, you look me in the eyes, and devote your full intention to listening and soaking in the information I am providing,

You make me laugh so easily.  You’re hilarious natural personality is a very charming attribute.

You have a mind that is incredibly sexy.  I don’t even know quite how to articulate this.  You’re incredibly knowledgeable, in which seems to be, any and every topic, and I find that insanely sexy.  

You let me sit on your lap when we are out in public, and let me run my fingers through the back of your hair, in which, I adore the feeling of.

You take me to a place sexually that is only able to be described as a state of ecstasy.  It’s completely unbelievable, each time, leaving me coming back for me.  You take me to a place I’ve never known.

You inspire me.  (No, I’m still going to continue eating meat!  Chicken and Double Cheeseburgers are waaaay too delicious to quit!)

You make me want to smile more often, something I’ve just become doing in the past two months or so.  I’ve also been writing more frequently, and I’ve noticed that my social anxiety and diminished drastically.

You’ve made me want to be a better person.

A healthier person.

A better Janet, all around.

You make me smile.

You make me Bubbly.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Blank Space

You know how to make me smile
You know what makes me tic
The way your lips feel against my skin
It's an epiphany, a memory trip.

You're always playing so cool
Obeying every rule
The way your hand fits perfectly in mine
Flirtation, play, fantasy, love
Baby, you're all mine

Yet, you don't know who I am
Treat me some way cruel
As that is what I am doing to you
Use me up, darlin'
Play me like you do

This game was made for us
We'll play each other for a fool
Heads I win, tails you lose
Game.  Set.  Match.

Blood will flow red
Holes shall crack
No sticks, nor stones
Only lofts and Crowns.

Monday, August 3, 2015

While in Buffalo....

As previously stated, I spent a good majority of July in Buffalo, NY mourning the loss of a loved one.  My sweet second cousin, Addison Rose, passed away before taking her first breath on this Earth, much like her sister, Madison, last summer.  However, there was a bright light at the end of the tunnel, as Addison's twin brother, Landon James, survived!  Although, being born at 24 weeks gestation, he's a teeny tiny little peanut, but doing quite well.  These were his stats at birth:

I had the pleasure of meeting him when he was about 26 hours old, and he is handsome as can be!  Out of respect of the family, I'm not going to post photographs of Landon at this time, but he's adorable!  He has a ton of hair, and he's a little fighter!  All positive thoughts for him would be appreciated in the coming months as he still has quite the battle to conquer!


A great thing about being in Buffalo was being able to catch up with family.  One thing I was horrible at doing was taking photographs with my family, especially at the family reunion, which was held on the final weekend I was in town.  My parents, and my niece, Danica, flew in town for the reunion, so it was a breath of fresh air when they arrived.

Without much more blabber, lets get to the pictures....some of them, at least!!!

A beautiful sunset over Lake Erie!  (no filters or effects!)

On a Wednesday, my cousin and I
wore Pink!  It's the rule!

I found a Starbucks, and it made my day!

Ice cream also made me a very happy girl!

A night out with my Uncle Greg!

New outfit from head to toe!

First pic with Danica when she arrived!

My Aunt Mary and her Red Solo Cup lights!

Danica and I swing on the swing set

However, the family reunion wore her out!

She posed this one

And this one

And this one!
Show off the necklaces!

Day 1 she was afraid to touch the water

The last day she was brave as can be!

I cut my hair

So did she!

So beautiful and grown up!

The home I came home to from the hospital as a newborn baby!

Waiting for our plane in Buffalo!
Peace out, Buffalo!  We love you!

Roller Coaster Ride

These past few weeks have seemed nothing short of a roller coaster ride.  Perhaps when I posted this post, I had a gut feeling that the roller coaster ride was just beginning.  Who knew that exactly a week after I had posted that entry, he and I would both be on different ends of the country, myself in New York, him, here in Texas, both mourning losses.

I found out about a death in my family on the evening of Saturday, July 11th, and promptly flew up to Buffalo on the morning of the 12th.  While lending me an overwhelming amount of support through the distance, he dealt with his own tragedy, the death of one of his best friends, and a good friend of mine, the morning of Wednesday, July 15th.

Being 2,000 miles away from each other, we both supported each other as best we could from a distance.  We texted and spoke on the phone daily, and even chatted via Skype a few times which made a world of difference to actually see each others faces as I did not return back to Texas until the 29th.  It was by far the longest we had been apart from each other, and it was a challenge.  It was not a challenge on our friendship by any means, however, it was challenging being away from someone you are so used to seeing on the regular.

When finally reunited, we exchanged a very long, and tearful (on my behalf!) hug, and I told him how glad I was to see him.  I told him I had never been so glad in my life to see him, and he told me he would never leave me.  With us both still having loss fresh on our mind, and in our hearts, it stuck in my mind, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like I could finally breathe in a breath of fresh air.  I guess it's just proof that our friendship is top notch.  

Through ups, and downs, much like a roller coaster, I'm glad I have him by my side, or 2,000 miles away, to have my back in any circumstance where I need him.  As someone to make me laugh, or to be the shoulder to cry on.

I'm blessed I didn't consider ruining our friendship for any kind of relationship beyond that.  Friendship is where we belong.  I wouldn't have it any other way...

If only he'd me a little more amenable to photographs of himself now, or shall I say, smiling in would be grand!  
PBJ for life!  3/14/15

Regardless, he's the peanut butter to my jelly!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

To Be With You

Everyone has said it.  Our friends.  My parents.  My siblings.  My nieces.  

I've heard the same questions an uncountable amount of times.  Is that your boyfriend?  Is he your husband? 

He gets the same questions and comments.  Is she your wife?  Oh, is that your girlfriend?  You two are such an adorable couple!

Sure, there is one club we frequent that is quite shady, where we always tell people we are a couple, therefore, the both of us eliminate having to spend the evening getting hit on by creepy individuals.

Otherwise, we are just friends.

However, the last few weeks, things have just...felt different.  I've spent a great deal of time praying about it, as he has really inspired me to find my Faith.  It's no secret that he and I spent a plethora of time together, and spend the night at each others house quite often.

On Monday, he and I were having a lazy day, and ended up napping in my bed, together, for the first time.  When we sleep at the same location, we never sleep in the same bed.  It's just not how we roll, and it has NEVER happened, until Monday.

Later that night, we were driving to go get a midnight snack, I put my hand on the armrest in the car instinctively, and moved it over a bit due to a water bottle in the cup holder.  The next thing I knew, he and I were holding hands, nonchalantly.  Our conversation didn't skip a beat at all.

It felt so right.

When we got back to my house, we put a movie on and both climbed in my bed to eat and watch the movie.  After we ate, he just laid back and fell asleep, as did I.

A couple of hours later, as I tiredly opened my eyes, I noticed my head wasn't on my pillow, but it was on his chest and our hands were joined together, fingers intertwined.  

Slowly, I removed my hand from his, and rolled off of his stomach, back onto my side of the bed, as not to disturb him.

He awoke earlier than I, and I felt him climb out of the bed and cover me with the blankets as to ensure I was warm enough.  

All was completely normal between the two of us during the day.  

I don't know how much longer this game can persist.  A conversation may need to be initiated, however, a friendship does not need to be ruined in the process.

Content Copyright The Classy Zipperhead | Design Copyright Poppiness Designs