Thursday, March 31, 2016

Blowing off the Dust

The last time I was around here was a little over two months ago while Michael and I were on a week long adventure through Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, and took a tiny detour into Kansas.

Quite a bit has changed since then, as Michael and I are still (very! happily!) together and everything is going insanely well!

In early February, we adopted a 3.5 year old dog.  She is a Pharaoh Hound/Chihuahua mix.  She is only about 28 pounds, and she is the love our lives!
Olivia Abbott enjoys long walks, cuddling, playing, running fast, getting her tummy rubbed, sleeping in the middle of the bed, and long naps on the couch.

We enjoy relaxing and spending time with our sweet Olivia!  We are enjoying living a low key life.  We also enjoy venturing out to the movies every once and a while, taking Olivia to the dog park, spending time with my family, (his lives out of state) and most importantly, just spending time together, letting our relationship grow.

I feel like the time I spend with Michael is effortless, precious, and priceless  

I love being where we are now.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Cheers to Adventures

My Sweetest Michael, 

As I begin to compose this, you are lying next to me, sweetly sleeping as we spent the day traveling from Dallas to Nevada, Missouri with an elongated pit stop in Tulsa for a late dinner with one of my best friends, Melissa.

Before I met you, I had insomnia at a minimum of two nights per week.  Those two nights were spent restlessly thinking about where my life was headed and how unhappy with the direction it was seemingly pointed.  My mind was a complete mess.

However, something strange has happened.  My insomnia has no longer been acting up.  My mind is clear.  I have not had insomnia in 2016, until tonight.

Yesterday, you and I had a few seriously deep conversations...which could have given you the out.  Quite honestly, you had the out from the beginning, when I was straight with you, telling you about my health issues.  After the discussion yesterday though, you really did have your out.  I was terrified!  My mind, at that time, was in a space where I was afraid you were going to just ask me to grab my things and head home.  Instead, you held my hand the entire time and smiled at me, rubbing my legs that were firmly planted in your lap.    When the discussion was over, you kissed me, and reassured me that this trip would be amazing.

It is completely coincidental that today is "Day 50 of Michael and Janet" but over the weekend I feel as if I've learned so much.  One of those things I've learned I told you earlier.  Every day with you is a great day.  In a way, it feels as if it could be Day 500, or even 5,000, and trust me, I mean that in an absolutely great way!  I feel like every moment we are together is just another moment that I am on cloud nine.  

Perhaps it was in the shower and getting ready for the day, after our discussion.  Perhaps it was the six and a half hours we spent in the car today laughing and talking, non-stop.  That's why I'm having my first bit of insomnia in 2016!  I just couldn't lay in bed and relax with all of the thoughts wandering my mind.

I hit a brick wall.  No, I smashed into that wall.  Or perhaps, that that brick wall smashed into me.  I've realized that you are the sweetness in my eyes.  You are an apple in disguise. 

I realize that Elvis Presley may have been up to something when he said "Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be."

Right now, I feel as if my heart is an open book for you to believe in.

I'm definitely sure that I'm not sure about anything in life right now, but I am sure that I want to go on and on with you, I don't care where to, if I'm there with you.  And yes, that does include camping.

Cheers to us, my greatest treasure!

Sunday, January 10, 2016

New Year - New Post

Hey y'all!  Happy New Year!

I hope everybody had the Happiest of Holidays filled with family, fun, and plenty of junk food, that made you want to go work out, yet realistically, you're still just sitting on the couch, watching Netflix, just like I am, because, thats how us cool kids REALLY roll!

2015 was a year full of the ups and the downs.  Seemingly more downs than ups if you ask me.  2015 was a year where my health wasn't all too great.  I had to have an emergency appendectomy on Easter Sunday, which thankfully, went smoothly, as did the recovery process.  

In September, I was in a car accident, which totaled my car, and sent me into physical therapy.  Physical therapy that really didn't do a thing.  My physical therapist finally sent me for some imaging, where we discovered that I had a protruding disc in my neck, and off to Orthopedics I went.  

Upon meeting the surgeon, we decided to do a cervical medial branch block.  Which basically means inserting two huge needles into your neck, via x-ray, while fully awake.  I had that procedure done on December 23.  It was only a temporary procedure, that worked rather well!  However, I can already feel the pain returning.  We have decided to go through with a more invasive procedure that involves burning the nerve endings and me being put to sleep.  I don't quite know exactly when that procedure will be, but it will be sometime in the near future.
Despite being in pain, which, ya know, isn't really anything new, 2016 is already off to a wonderful start.  We are only 10 days in, and I really can't complain.
At the beginning of December, I began a relationship with this guy named Mike.  He's kind of all that and a bag of chips, plus a vanilla latte in my eyes.  He makes me smile constantly, he treats me beyond well, and tells me I'm beautiful.
One thing that nobody reading this will understand is the numbers thing.  Nobody in the world has a clue about the numbers thing, actually, but I wanted to be sure to document it somewhere, since my memory is at times equivalent to one of a goldfish.
When I found out Mike's birthday, (August 16) it clicked in my head that the numbers were there.  It was something like a lottery ticket.  It has nothing to do with astrological signs, (Leo) but straight up numbers.  I think when he told me his birthday, my eyes may have lit up just a little bit.
Our one month anniversary was on Wednesday, the sixth, and he surprised me with a purple rose and a small box of Godiva chocolates.  We then just stayed in, cooked dinner together, vegged out on some junk food, and began watching "Making a Murderer" on Netflix.  It was the perfect way to spend an evening.     
Of course, nobody knows what the future holds, but I really like the path I'm currently on.  

Monday, December 28, 2015

Sleep? Where art thou?

Long time no see over here on the writing side of the internet.  I'm still alive, thriving, and occasionally kicking off my dancing shoes whilst letting my hair down and soaking in the peaceful moments!

The peaceful know, at 4:00a.m.  

The peaceful moments when you are exhausted, with a migraine, and you're sleeping pill doesn't want to work.

You think about the exciting things coming in the future!
  • Natalie and Matt are expecting their son, Nicholas, to be born within the next few weeks!
  • My best friend Zachary is having a destination wedding in South Padre Island, TX this June!
  • My friends Michelle and James are expecting their first child together this summer!
  • My cousin Michele, recently got engaged to her AMAZING boyfriend Ben, and I can't wait to be a bridesmaid in their August 2017 wedding!

Those moments are absolutely beautiful and amazing.  They are joyful and exciting with so much happiness to come.

The excitement I have for my friends, and my family is beyond through the roof!  The anticipation for all of these events that I'm feeling is beyond through the roof!  ALL of these people mean so much to me and have made a huge impact on my life and I love them all dearly.

I love being happy for others.  I love that the ones I love are so happy.

On a catch 22, I hate that I am so unhappy.  I felt completely miserable leading up to and on Christmas Day.  I just was not feeling Christmas, AT ALL, this year.  I'm sick of being the "sick" kid, as I had to have just the loveliest of (minor) medical procedures done two days before Christmas.

I go back to the doctor next week to find out if the minor procedure was considered successful or not. If it was considered successful, I will most likely undergo a much more invasive procedure relatively soon.

Reading the possible complication list always scares the life out of me, yet I always go forward with each procedure, and I know this will be the same.  The complications freak me out, but I'll still have the procedure, without a doubt.

I hate the feeling of not knowing.  The future is completely unpredictable, and I know that, but for once, I just wish I had a magic ball.  A magic ball to tell me where everything was going in 2016.

I mean 2015, you've been quite the roller coaster ride!

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

You have so many relationships in this life....

When I first met him, 255 days go, neither one of us had any idea what would come in the future.  It was 159 (well, technically, 158, because of midnight and now I'm just being technical.) days until we laid eyes on each other (in person) again.  

These past 96 days have been nothing but blissfully wonderful every single time we are talking, texting, or together.  

We have one of the most unconventional of relationships, which for some odd reason is working for us, as I've never been in a relationship quite like this before.

You are the brains, I'm the beauty.  (Or the Princess, as you put it the other day!)  The only exception to this rule was when you got the stomach bug last week, when you were convinced you were dying, refused Gatorade and crackers, and continued "dying" for another 24 hours until you took my advice and BOOM!  Better you felt!  Also, isn't the BRAT diet amazing as well?

There is absolutely no way of telling what the future holds for he and myself.  Right now, I feel like he is my Georgia Tennessee.  

I feel like I could chase him for the rest of my life.  I feel like I've already welcomed him to the roller coaster ride.  When it comes to him, he's already helped me get through when everything in my life came unglued.

I don't (ever) want to let him go when I'm holding him, and surely don't want to lose him slowly, or at all.

I just want to let you know, that it's only just a little back and forth lately.

Never take a chance alone
I'll follow your lead.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

The Feels

The last time I composed an actual THOUGHT out, worth while post, was on September 22nd, a mere seven days after sweet Matthew left for Europe.  At that time, I also sent that post to him, via e-mail.  
The other night, the contents of this post came up in conversation, and he looked at me blankly, or like someone whose inbox contains a mere, 2,500 unread e-mails, give or take a hundred.
I really should NOT place all the blame at his feet, seeing as any time I send him an e-mail, I TELL him to check his e-mail, but given the circumstances of the previous week, it had completely crossed my mind to even mention it to him.

I sat there in silence as he read the e-mail on his phone.  My eyes were just glued on him.  I watched the cute little smirks arise on his face at the appropriate moments when sarcasm arose.  (Ahem, the moments of such somebody can't fall asleep with the television on!  Oh!  My!  God!  Seriously y'all, I think he'd rather give two year old sextuplets a round of antibiotics than fall asleep with the television on, it's just THAT BAD!)

When you finished reading the e-mail, that ONE, STUPID e-mail, that had been silently haunting me on the inside for a month, you quickly stood up, and pulled me into your arms.  You didn't care who was around us in that loud, crowded room.  You didn't care what was going on.  You held me.  You embraced me.  You let me cry silently on your shoulder.  You were kissing my hair, my cheek, and my neck.  You allowed me to have that ONE FINAL BREAKDOWN!  

I entered that stupid town of Breaktown, and I was hurting down to the core, per the usual, however, instead of being there for days, my pain didn't last for days.  My pain didn't even last for minutes.  In your arms, my pain only lasted for seconds.  

Oddly enough, for some reason, I just got sidetracked while typing this up and started reading old posts, and found this post, does number nineteen know where this is from?  I'd hope Matt does.  Well, if you know, you win a bag of gummy bears.  However, you must come to my house to claim them, and then you must fight me to get them, and you know how I am about my gummy bears.  You know, you might as well not even try, it's a war you aren't going to win, EVER!  Please don't try.

I know one day, probably here in the near future, I'll give Matt full access to this blogosphere world, which he currently hasn't gotten a clue about.  However, for now, this is my thank you for him.

Thank you for my new found strength.  Thank you for the small gestures that you have no clue are so meaningful in my life.  

Thank you for sending me this photo from Paris:
You have absolutely NO idea how happy it made my niece the next morning when I showed her the photo!  Upon picking her up from school that afternoon, she said "Aunt Janet!  I told ALL my friends at my school today that you're friend Matt was at the Eiffel Tower!  Can you believe KINDERGARTENERS don't know that the Eiffel Tower is in PARIS!?"  I must have had to show her this picture a dozen times since you've sent it to me.

About a week before you came back from Europe, I had mentioned to you on Skype that your hair was getting shaggy and needed a trimming.  Two days before you came home, the first text I sent you one morning was "Text me something happy."  Instantaneously, you responded with, "Just got a haircut."  I remember getting that text as I was driving home from a doctors appointment, and I quickly pulled over, typing in "Pictures, or it didn't happen!!!" To which you quickly sent me back this gem:
Is it horrible that I just now, like, 15 days later, realized that the sign said MATTHEW STREET?   I am a complete blonde sometimes.  Not all the time, but sometimes.  I just prefer your face over everything else around you.  And...wait, is that a REALLY, REALLY, REALLLLLLLY, pale, red headed, older lady, on a motorcycle?  Okay....maybe I really shouldn't be writing at 1:00 a.m.  You know what?  We'll just talk about all the crazy going on in this photograph later, because if I really examine it right now, it's going to become a "Where's Waldo" and I won't get a moment of sleep tonight!

You know what though?  You and I have had our little tiffs.  We aren't a "We."  However, when we ARE together, we always have a crazy good time.  We make memories that are irreplaceable, we have random dance parties, and we our lines of communication are open and run both way.  

We both have seen each other at multiple moods.  Happy, sad, hangry, frustrated, tired, healthy, sick, depressed.  The list goes on.  However, we still stand by each other.  For some, weird, strange reason, we're still sticking by each other.  

It still baffles of me, quite honestly, how this all came to be.  I mean, we met, and briefly spoke for a couple of nights, and then lost all communication for over FOUR MONTHS, and then, just out of nowhere, you came back into my life, at the beginning of the summer, right before I left for New York, and we spoke daily, when I needed you.  Once again, you picked me up, held me tight from a far distance, and made sure I was okay, from a distance.

I still remember the night I got home and we met up.  When you hugged me, you hugged me SO tightly, and the first thing you asked me was if I was doing alright.  

Right now, I'm fighting yet another battle.  I'm going into this 110% with my head held high, and being as strong as I can, as you know.  You asked me multiple times via text, and phone call Tuesday night if I was okay and if I was sure about my response.  When I saw you on Wednesday, you hugged me and kissed me, and made sure I was alright, first thing.

You always care.  You always hold me tightly in you arms, whether I'm at the top of the world or in one of my weaker moments.

It's the best feeling in the world.

Please, never let go of me.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Where did she go?

Have you noticed with me that I'll go through phases where I write a ton, and then I'll drop off the side of the proverbial Earth for a while?
If you haven't, it's all good.  However, I totally notice that I do.  
It's not that I just sit around on my couch and eat chocolate and drink wine all day.  (Okay, half of that statement is a lie.  M&M's are absolutely freaking delicious!)  (Also, I had wine and M&M's for my full and complete dinner tonight because, adulating is awesome!)
However, since falling off the proverbial Earth, into the proverbial ocean, I have been doing more than being a lazy bum.  

I've actually been writing.

Haha.  I hear all you crazy misfits (like myself!) laughing like crazy, saying that I haven't been writing because, I haven't been posting here anywhere near regularly.

Yes.  Yes.  I know.  Allow me to elaborate.

From where I sit now, (in my bed, not on my couch, AHA!) I can easily spot 13 notebooks, 2 iPads, an iPod, and 2 iPhones.  Obviously!  I have a lot of devices to write and record a MILLION and a half notes on, and please trust in me, each notebook and device of full of notes.  

I was out with a friend the other night and kept writing out and recording voice memos and she thought I was completely insane, however, when I got home and went back to my recordings, listened, and transcribed the recordings to paper, it was absolutely perfection.  Completely beautiful.

So, what have I written?

It's all stuff I'm not ready to share quite yet.  

I'm not quite sure with whom or when I'll want to share it, but, when I am ready, I will share it.
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